Do you know the difference between bribing and rewarding your children?
Bribing is giving your children prizes for doing what is already required of them in order to avoid a potential showdown. This is dangerous because the bribe gifts will get larger and more numerous to keep up with your children's demands. Rewards are recognition for what your children have done that go above and beyond expectations... helping a sibling with homework or doing an extra chore. Being able to recognize when you are bribing youth and when you are rewarding youth ties right into setting high expectations for youth.
Here are the facts:
Research shows that young people whose families and teachers have high hopes for them have higher self-esteem, try harder, do better in school, and believe they’ll be able to get good jobs. About 45 percent of Washington County young people, ages 11–18, say parents, teachers, and other adults encourage them to do well, according to the Search Institute’s Attitudes & Behavior survey conducted amongst all three local school systems in 2006. As a caring adult, you play an important part in setting and adjusting expectations for young people.
Tips for building this asset:
Express your expectations to young people as a hope you hold for them. After all, would you want people to doubt your abilities, not expect much of you, or even give up? Start taking sets to setting high expectations with these steps:
- Talk with your child about a hope or dream you hold for her or him.
- State a clear expectation that reflects a hope you have for a child.
- Ask your child what he or she expects of himself or herself.
- Ask how you can support a child in reaching goals.
- Discuss how together you can find the resources necessary to make that hope or dream a reality.
- Use setbacks as an opportunity to discuss what they might do differently next time.
So motivate your child with rewards for going the extra mile. Make a promise to yourself this holiday season to reward youth more for showing positive behaviors and bribing them less to behave a certain way.